About a month ago I saw a vision in my prayer. I was praying that God would break me. I knew that I was full of my ego, concerns for my success, my appearance before others, etc., so I was asking God to break me. While I prayed, I saw a small metal ball (the ball had a metal covering, not full of metal), which I recognized to represent me. I asked God, "Lord, break it. Crush it." As I prayed, I saw a bat come down and strike it. When the bat struck it, I was sure that the metal ball would collapse . Instead, when the cover ed, I saw that inside the metal cover was a ball of shining light, which I recognized as the light of Christ, and the light was beginning to shine through the . I realized that when I break, I do not get crushed. Instead, I finally release Christ to shine through me.
I still struggle mightily with my ego. When I hear about someone other pastor's success, I get jealous. I still want my name to be big instead of the name of Jesus Christ. I am desperately aware how little the love of Christ I have in my heart toward other people.
Everyday I pray that God would break me. Paradoxically, when my ego is broken, I will be set free and become truly myself--who God made me to be, how God has made me shine the light of Christ.
P.S. Please pray for the Connections Conference. It is happening this week, Mon-Wed.
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